Juice fast day 8!

So last night I did something you're never supposed to do. I celebrated my successful first week of juicing with food. My Husband and I went out to dinner. I paid for it all this morning in the bathroom. I have never felt that sick EVER. In a weird way I think I needed that cheat last night to throw my ass back into gear. I didn't even enjoy our dinner. I shoved it down - I wanted to numb out. Afterwards, I felt so sick, disappointed, and angry. I was so disappointed and angry with myself for being so fucking weak. And, with all of this I still want a fucking pizza! As long as I can remember I have been "chunky", "chubby", "over weight", and now OBESE! I have always wanted more...more...more! I can remember as a child having seconds, thirds, fourths and heating up left overs only two hours after eating dinner. What is my problem? And, why can't I be normal? This weight loss journey is not just because I want to lose a few pounds so I can look better in my bikini this summer...When I started this fast I was 311 pounds!!! THREE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN POUNDS!!!!! How does someone get that large? For me it has been - poor food choices, laziness, and stress. These past 3 years have been the most stressful years of my life. All in one year - I got married, bought a home, and graduated nursing school. Within the last year my Husband was laid off, found out my Mother is abusing prescription drugs, my Father committed suicide, and my Step-Father died in tragic accident. Should this be an excuse? Of course not. Everyone goes through tragedies and they don't come out weighing 311 pounds. When I met my Husband I was 215 pounds...over the course of 4 1/2 years I have gained almost 100 pounds. How dreadful. I'm done talking about of this. I'm emotionally tired. All I can be thankful for is a successful day back to juicing and my Husband for putting up for my craziness.